Sunday, October 25, 2015

Feeling Your Heart

feeling your heart  life's a polyp
Life is a confusing, beautiful mess full of opportunities for both joy and heartache. We can take many paths in our navigation through what life offers us yet we often choose the most complicated route. We consume ourselves with fear and worry about the dreaded what if's that are never entirely answered properly as our imaginations our set free in a whirlwind of confusion. Life is not necessarily simple in our experiences but I believe we can simplify our paths by merely feeling our hearts.

Tuning into our hearts and what we are feeling can be called many things: inner voice, intuition, gut instincts, faith, etc. Whatever your preference for terminology, paying attention to the words of our hearts and souls seems to make a difference. We allow ourselves to obtain peace and comfort as we make life decisions and let go of anxieties when we listen to ourselves.

Listening to what our hearts say can only occur when we are honest with ourselves - free of preconceived ideas and intentions. We must open our minds and ourselves to all realities, not just what we want. It is easy to confuse what we want with what we need, whether it's physical, emotional, or financial. We all have ulterior motives to obtain what we want even when dealing with ourselves.

As we begin letting go of that which holds us captive through fear and anxiety, we learn to make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. Part of this information is knowing how we feel about a situation and about the options available.

We listen by identifying what we are feeling and allowing ourselves to feel those feelings rather than rushing through one feeling to the next. This helps in all realms of life whether it is releasing fear and anxiety, making a decision, resetting ourselves spiritually, self-discovery, and coping with life. It is particularly useful in emotional healing from grief or trauma as we cope and adjust to a life change. Not allowing the process to flow naturally and completely can be harmful as we can delude ourselves in believing that which is false within us. Rebound relationships, incomplete grieving, and yoyoing of depression and anger are common examples of rushing this natural process.

Let us not hide from our feelings, viewing them as a weakness or an inconvenience. Rather let us honor our feelings for what they are - a gift that lets us experience life in the fullest. Joy and heartache are neither to shrink back from - both lead us to the depths of unimaginable feelings and experiences that ultimately try to teach us gratitude and strength.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Letting Go

letting go life's a polyp

On the drive home, surrounded by darkness and music, I felt a peace come over me and in that moment I recognized the novelty of this peace. It was a peace I haven't felt before in my lively, waking moments. I felt lighter, no longer bogged down by moments of the past - whether recent or long ago. I finally understood the feeling of having no regrets. I had somehow, magically let go.

This year has become to be a time of teaching for me as I continue along the path of transformation as a fire storm scorches my soul to reveal new layers. With a new sense of strength and fierceness, I am finding challenges for myself to push past my limits. I am rediscovering and redefining myself. This must be a new layer, a new level reached - I thought to myself as suddenly the stars shined brighter and the night air felt crisper than they had mere moments before. I no longer cared about all the mistakes I had previously made. Mistakes, big and small, that I lamented over for years at a time. As a soft hearted, highly sensitive person I tend to spend an exorbitant amount of energy and time reviewing details of my life and interactions. Replaying moments as they occurred and the innumerable various scenarios that could have occurred with different actions or decisions. No longer was my mind shackled with such worries. All that mattered now was this moment on - my future.

Too often we worry about what we should have done or what we wish would have happened if only we had the foresight to know the outcomes of the situation. My parents taught me to make the best decision I possibly can with the information I have. We simply need to do our best. It may not turn out to be the right decision but it is giving the moment our best that is important. I believe in this advice even when I haven't followed it closely as at times I knowingly made mistakes and other times I failed to let go of my wrong decisions. 

There is much more to life than our regrets. I once held the belief that to live without regrets was to not care about our actions and the consequences. I have learned that living without regrets is relinquishing the control regrets may have upon us. We can become full of regrets that cripple us - filling us with anxiety, fear, and anger. Fear and anxiety of future decisions and anger toward our past decisions. These reactions are not healthy but are stifling of growth and acceptance. We must learn from our mistakes and our failures so that we may make better decisions in the future. This does not mean we are required to carry the burden of those mistakes once we have learned from them. Rather let us live and learn then let go. We are unable to change the past no matter how hard we wish or how long we lament. Let us direct our energy to the future and the goodness that is waiting for us.

I do not know how I suddenly came to this freeing moment. It was not a conscious decision. It merely swept over my mind and body in an unforeseen wave. Is this not the way most epiphanies come to us though? When we let our minds freely wander, our subconscious to come to the surface without inhibition. Allowing access to the greatest depths of our minds and souls - to reconnect within ourselves. Thinking without intent, without reservation, without prejudice. These are the moments that grant me insight and revelations.

I like to take a moment, preferably in the sanctity of the outdoors. Feeling the grass under my feet, the dirt between my toes. Closing my eyes and raising my face to the sky, feeling the sun shining down upon me. Deeply breathing in the air, as it fills my lungs before slowly exhaling. Clearing my mind and focusing on the physical sensations of the world around me and my body. My eyes will begin to feel heavy while closed, my mind drifts in and out of consciousness. I become relaxed, connected to my spirit. The sounds around me grow faint in the background as I listen for the still voice deep within me. I remain in this trance like state until my spirit releases me and sends me back into the awareness of the physical world around me. I awaken refreshed, free of stress and worries and sometimes with a new revelation. I encourage you to follow this or your own style of meditation and discover what is lying under the surface.