Monday, September 25, 2023

La Mémoire Noire

female child peering through the darkness with her eyes visible and barely any of her face showing through the darkness

La Mémoire Noire or The Dark Memory is a letter series written to my first surgeon. The man who caused everything ultimately in my life to reach this point today. I was to have 2 surgeries beginning at the age of 9 and his surgical errors altered the course of my life. Ultimately, I instead would require 7 surgeries and experience repeated life-threatening complications resulting in medical PTSD, suicidal and homicidal ideation. This is trauma I am still trying to heal from nearly 30 years later that has touched every aspect of my life and how I react, view, and process the world. I have a lot of hate and anger for this man. As part of my therapeutic efforts to heal, I am writing this series to him. It is my raw, unedited thoughts and feelings towards this man and all that transpired following my first surgery that he performed. It will be a series that is periodically updated as I process each letter, my trauma, and continue inching towards healing embodying full love and forgiveness for myself and others.